Monday, June 13, 2011

Out of the Office

Out of the Office

I will be out of the office until next week,
and unable to access email until then.
If it is an emergency, you may call me
if you have my cell phone number.
If you do not have my number, you can
call one of the following, according
to your urgent situation: your boyfriend/
girlfriend/lover/spouse/significant other,
your sister, your neighborhood pub,
the electric company, your landlord
and his adult daughter, the photographer
who took your toothy fifth grade picture
while you gripped a flimsy black comb,
your former hairstylist, the wrong
number who dialed you yesterday
twice. If there is nothing significant
about what you had hoped to say to me,
but you still want to say it when I return,
go find a sheet of paper with at least
one corner clean, make a note to tell
me because, most likely, I very much
want to hear what your strange neighbor
told you while mowing the grass
with a sombrero on. Another option
is to sit on the floor, close your eyes,
and think of me very intensely.
Imagine I am sitting across from you
and we are talking. Go ahead and talk
to me. There is a slim chance I will
hear you, even while I am on the other
side of the country, often I experience
words or ideas given to me, which
could be exactly what I’m recommending
to you, dusting off your inner walkie-talkie.


  1. Good take on the "out of office" message. By the time you're finished listening to one like this, you've forgotten the reason for the call.

    One of the best things about no longer working in an office is the silence.

  2. This is so FUN! So lighthearted and pithy.

    And a big old Hallelujah to what Maureen said about no longer working in an office. That's the worst sort of noise, isn't it? That shrill ring of the phone just when you're working intensely on something (usually not what you're supposed to be working on at all, of course).

  3. LOVE this!

    And I must, to my unemployed self's chagrin, admit I agree with Maureen and silver... I don't miss the office.

  4. Ha cute, and I knew this one was coming : )
    The thing about these messages is that one is referred to another who has no clue about what they have to do, and so one wastes more, I ignore the part that says call me at .... I just sit on the floor and think hard xoxo

  5. A great idea and beautifully executed. It holds from the first line.

  6. What fun. I love the idea of sitting and thinking hard about someone as a way of sending them a message. The only thing you left out was a message in a bottle!


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