Out of the Office

Out of the Office

I will be out of the office until next week,
and unable to access email until then.
If it is an emergency, you may call me
if you have my cell phone number.
If you do not have my number, you can
call one of the following, according
to your urgent situation: your boyfriend/
girlfriend/lover/spouse/significant other,
your sister, your neighborhood pub,
the electric company, your landlord
and his adult daughter, the photographer
who took your toothy fifth grade picture
while you gripped a flimsy black comb,
your former hairstylist, the wrong
number who dialed you yesterday
twice. If there is nothing significant
about what you had hoped to say to me,
but you still want to say it when I return,
go find a sheet of paper with at least
one corner clean, make a note to tell
me because, most likely, I very much
want to hear what your strange neighbor
told you while mowing the grass
with a sombrero on. Another option
is to sit on the floor, close your eyes,
and think of me very intensely.
Imagine I am sitting across from you
and we are talking. Go ahead and talk
to me. There is a slim chance I will
hear you, even while I am on the other
side of the country, often I experience
words or ideas given to me, which
could be exactly what I’m recommending
to you, dusting off your inner walkie-talkie.