Like second sets of bones, your undergarments,
ladies, are meant to provide structure. Of course,
with structure and support comes pain. Discomfort
is to be expected. If it hurts, you know it is working.
Our flesh is too wayward to be good. Unheld
skin, jiggling, is unseemly, even in our own
eyes. Also, the undergarments cannot be seen.
They must be worn, but we do not want any
visible evidence of them poking out through
the clothing. We recommend Spanx, as their
punishment is effective, yet not unattractive.
Though they will mostly be covered, they should
be pretty, your bras and panties. Straps should be thin
and beribboned. Scalloped edges are nice. Daintiness
in appearance is essential. Now, we do not mean
to alarm you. But eventually, your undergarments
will turn on you. They all do, be ready for it. Do not
take it personally. Put yourself in their shoes,
imagine bearing their burden. The flowery lace
at your waist will break. The underwire of a bra
will snake its way into your rib cage, poking you
with a talon. It is so sick of you ignoring all
that it does for you. Practice gratitude for the
ingeniousness of undergarments, for how they
hold you in and back, for the way they punish
you and still press themselves into your parts.